Rambling thoughts

Love note

Last year, Tom had to do a lot of traveling for work. I live very close to both the airport and his office so he would stay at my house most nights when his sons weren't with him. One week he had a trip to California with a very early morning flight. It wasn't actually until the next day that I saw the note he'd left me on the fridge. So sweet. He loved me so much. The feeling was mutual.

I have this framed and hanging in my room now. It makes me smile and remember all the good times we shared. So much laughter. He understood me like no one ever has. Sometimes I still can't believe I'll never see him again.

We never even got to have a big fight. Not that I wanted to fight but he made me laugh when he told me he was going to make me yell. I don't come from a family of yellers. We're descendent from English/German quiet people. Tom came from a big loud Italian family. I mean that with love. I've met them and they are great. I was really looking forward to being part of their family.

So I'm trying to get on with my life but I can't even remember what I did with my free time before meeting Tom. I know I used to read but I can't really concentrate enough to do that now. Hence the stacks of magazines I haven't read since the middle of September.


I don't cry as much anymore, although writing this has made cry. When I do cry it's usually on the way home from work, when a song that makes me think of Tom (which is just about every song) comes on the radio, or when I'm going to bed. But I am perpetually sad. I was the happiest I've ever been and now I'm the saddest. And it sucks.



I should go to the grocery store? Last night I cleaned out the fridge and got rid of all the expired bottles of half used salad dressing, random jars of pickles and mustards.
Empty fridge

The to go box has left overs from dinner tonight (edamame and 3 pieces of a hurricane roll). And I've already finished up the last of that 2 liter of Diet Coke.  Two of those bottles of wine (well one is Proseco) are left over from NYE 2010. I never opened them and they've been there ever since. The third bottle was an impulse buy at Trader Joe's before Christmas. Who knows when I'll drink any of them. I've been on a Jack & Coke kick for a while, plus wine gives me the worst acid reflux and hangover these days.


So long 2011

New year

If you had asked me before September, I would have said that 2011 had been a pretty great year. Too bad it didn't end that way. I have a feeling the first part of 2012 isn't going to be much better but I am hopeful that eventually that will change.