Three Words


Last summer, after running the three half marathons, I wanted to get a tattoo to remind me of what I had achieved. So a little over a month ago, Tom and I found ourselves with some time to kill before going to see a movie. We went to the tattoo shop and I had this phrase, do your best, inked on the inside of my right wrist. It's a phrase my dad used to say to me every morning when I left for school and something I try to do every day.

But now these three words have a different meaning.

Do your best...

So I'm doing my best to get up and go to work each morning, to pay attention to Lulu, to eat, to not think beyond tomorrow.


Lulu has a sad

Lulu misses Tom

Lulu knows something is wrong. She's not being herself. Yes, she's a lazy dog but she's been even lazier. Looking even sadder. Laying on the sofa, looking straight at the front door as if she's waiting for Tom to walk in the door. If you ask her where Tom is she knits her brows together and looks around. I know she misses him too. Because honestly, I'm pretty sure she loved him more than me.

Lulu loves Tom


Stages of Grief

There are 5 stages of grief. Denial Anger Bargaining Depression and Acceptance.

I know this because I bought a book. But I've yet to do more than flip through it. But I can tell you that I've got some denial and depression going on for sure. There is a part of me that can not believe Tom is really gone. I'll never get another good morning text from him or hear him call me babe or tell me I'm amazing and that he loves me. Surely this is just a really really bad dream.


I'm still here

It's been a rough couple of days. My parents flew up to be with me and I'm so grateful for that. There's so much I want to say but as much as I've posted over the years there are just some things I don't want to put on the internet.

But I will say this...I loved Tom more than I've ever loved anyone. He made me feel safe and beautiful and like I was the smartest, funniest woman. We had so little time together. I feel robbed. And it makes me angry. Angry and sad. Not just for me, but for his sons and his family and his friends. I've heard from so many people about what a great friend he was to them. Tom touched so many lives.

If you've found this post because you were googling Tom, I would love to hear from you. Please tell me how you knew him. Share a story with me.



I am devastated.
Yesterday, Tom, The Boyfriend, collapsed in his home and died unexpectedly.
He made me so very happy and we were looking forward to building a life together.

Thomas M Piscitello Jr
September 13, 1974-September 14, 2011