Redneck Man's pick up lines

I got these jokes in an email at work today and I just found them too hilarious not to share them with you.


Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out.

Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

If you was a tree I were a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

You might not be the best lookin girl here, but
beauty's only a light switch away.

Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

and.... the best for last!

Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.


  1. OK, these made me snort! They will be making their way around George's work via e-mail soon - and I know some of those guys will say, "Hey! That's a good one - I'm gonna use it tonight at the icehouse!"

  2. so cute! thanks, i, being a librarian, LOVED this one:
    Do you have a library card?
    cuz I'd like to sign you out.

  3. Oh my God those are awful! But they do make me laugh!