Breaking Bad

So when I haven't been at the office, living the dream as a coworker likes to say, I've been sitting on my ass at home watching a lot of television. When I moved I decided to cancel my home phone (so if you need to call me, use the cell number) and cable. I thought I wasn't watching all that much tv and I pretty much never talk on the phone.

Now I must be deliberate in choosing to watch something. No more just turning on the tv for background noise. What have I been watching? Well first I plowed my way through 3 seasons of Parenthood. The first two are on Netflix, which I can stream via my Bluray player, but for the third season I had to hook my laptop to the tv and watch it via NBC's website.

My current obsession,  addiction, is Breaking Bad. Have you seen this show?! It's freaking amazing. So very dark and kind of depressing but I love it. Since last week I've watched 3 1/2 seasons. Love it!


Hey there

So I'm all moved in to my new house in Durham and I love it. Unfortunately, I've been working 60 hours a week since the move so not much has gotten done. Thankfully, it was move in ready so I'm not having to live with any eye sores.


Oh the irony

Fire truck

Isn't ironic that last night I had a security system installed in my new home, including the special fire detection, and I get to the apartment after work tonight to find four fire trucks and other assorted first responder vehicles. An apartment on the third floor, in the building across from mine, was on fire. Well, I think the fire was actually out by that point but the alarms were still screeching in all the buildings. Poor Lulu was freaking out.

This is her freaking out face, like 30 minutes after the alarms stopped and we got back in the apartment.

Freaked out Lu


It's all about Lulu anyway

Last week I closed on my house and now I'm halfway moved in. The big furniture move happens this weekend. Lulu will have a sleep over at Baxter's house. Maybe while she is there she will help model more happy hound hats.



I had a goofy smile on my face the entire time I was watching.


That thing I hate to do

Everyone has them....those things in life they just hate to do:
-talk to strangers on the phone
-clean the bath tub
-ask for help

Tonight I had to ask for help because I am moving next month. And try as I might, I just can not move a queen size bed, sofa and gas grill by myself. So I had to ask for help. Which I hate to do. Yes, I have issues and I paid a lot of money to my therapist to know exactly what they are.

I am buying a town home in Durham. It's super cute and not older than me (unlike my place in Austin). There is even a tiny yard for Lulu.


Sad ramblings

It's been nine months since Tom died. People probably think I should be moving on and I'm trying but I just miss Tom so much. For several weeks I felt much better but in the last two weeks the deep sadness has come back. So it's back to crying myself to sleep and waking from dreams about him, in tears. Which let me tell you, is a really sucky way to start the day.

I try to focus on other things: work, my new niece, the fact that none of my pants fit and I really should do something about that, but my mind always goes back to Tom. What were we doing a year ago? Why couldn't we have more time together? How could I have had the best year of my life, followed by the worst?

Here is one thing that makes me smile: my niece, Landry. I only wish I had gotten to spend more time with her when I was in Texas at the end of May. By the time I see her at Christmas she'll probably have teeth and be walking and all grown up.


Justice for Cisco

This morning I was listening to my favorite Austin morning radio show, via an app on my iphone, when I heard the disturbing story about a police officer that went to the wrong address and within moments of being there shot an innocent dog. The owner of the dog was being interviewed and he was being way more level headed than I could be. Good for him for taking the high road and trying to bring change to the way things are done rather than just bashing the police. Listening to his interview was difficult enough, I was blinking back tears. What was I thinking trying to watch the dash cam video when I got home? The shooting is not seen but you can plainly hear it. It was sickening and I had to stop after that. As I cuddle up to Lulu, I can only imagine how horrified Cisco's owner must have been.

If you're on Facebook, I recommend checking out his page, JusticeForCisco, and reading the story for yourself.


Kind of a Big Deal

Guess who's having a baby?

No, not me. That would be a pretty freaking awesome miracle.

My sister! She's due in 3 weeks. I know, I've been remiss in telling y'all.


Some good news

Blue Bell ice cream is now available in the Triangle area!
Do y'all know what this means?
Screw the diet.
Time to get fat.
I mean fatter.


Longest Six Months

I can't believe it's been six months since Tom died. I dreamed of him this morning. It made me smile.
Miss you every day


My newest addiction

Starbucks mocha, extra hot, with one pump of hazelnut. It tastes like Nutella. For real. I wake up thinking about this some mornings.

Tastes like Nutella!

If you go into the store, as opposed to the drive thru, don't forget to look around the counter for the little card with that week's iTunes giveway. I forgot to pick one up when I went yesterday so that just means I'll have to go again today, right? Because last week the free download was for the Snapseed app, which is an amazing photography app that is normally $4.99. Major score!

Look what it can do to a plain photo of Lulu:

Lulu as art

She looks like she was painted by Rembrandt!


Photo Challenge

This month, to give myself something to look forward to every day, I participated in an Instagram daily photo challenge.

This photo challenges:

My photos:

Instagram February 2012 Daily Photo Challenge


Today was a good day

At the dog park

It was a beautiful day today and I woke up in a very good mood. In fact, I actually felt normal. No cloud of sadness floated over my head. Lulu and hung out at the dog park for a little bit, then my friend and I wandered around the flea market for a couple of hours.

It was a very good day.


Did you watch?

Did you watch the Grammys last night? I only watched for one reason, to see Adele. Her voice is amazing and she made me cry (granted, it doesn't take much these days). She sounded better than ever I had recorded her interview on 60 Minutes but didn't watch it until tonight.

In my next life, I want to be Adele.

Also, she has a mini-doxie named Louis Armstrong. So just another reason to love her.



Have you ever done anything you've regretted? Thankfully, I have very few regrets in my life. Last weekend, since my hair was falling out anyway, I cut it short. It seems like less is falling out now, because it doesn't get tangled on itself, and there is more body with less weight to pull it down. But I regret cutting it. It's growing so slow (my bangs haven't been trimmed since before Christmas) and will take like a year to get as long as it was again. It's just hair, right?

Self Portrait

This was my hair before

My favorite t-shirt.  Just realized it's over 20 yrs old. Yikes.


This blog should really be called....

The depressed life. I have no desire to do anything. My hair started falling out a couple of weeks ago. I've lost probably a good third of it. Handfuls come out every time I brush or wash it. Thank goodness I had a lot to begin with! The doctor says it's stress related and that I won't go bald and that it will grow back. Because it's not at all creating more stress to have my hair falling out. On the plus side, at least it doesn't take 30 minutes to blow dry my hair any more.

Obligatory Lulu photo for the Lulu fans.

Is that a cheeto I spy?


Rambling thoughts

Love note

Last year, Tom had to do a lot of traveling for work. I live very close to both the airport and his office so he would stay at my house most nights when his sons weren't with him. One week he had a trip to California with a very early morning flight. It wasn't actually until the next day that I saw the note he'd left me on the fridge. So sweet. He loved me so much. The feeling was mutual.

I have this framed and hanging in my room now. It makes me smile and remember all the good times we shared. So much laughter. He understood me like no one ever has. Sometimes I still can't believe I'll never see him again.

We never even got to have a big fight. Not that I wanted to fight but he made me laugh when he told me he was going to make me yell. I don't come from a family of yellers. We're descendent from English/German quiet people. Tom came from a big loud Italian family. I mean that with love. I've met them and they are great. I was really looking forward to being part of their family.

So I'm trying to get on with my life but I can't even remember what I did with my free time before meeting Tom. I know I used to read but I can't really concentrate enough to do that now. Hence the stacks of magazines I haven't read since the middle of September.


I don't cry as much anymore, although writing this has made cry. When I do cry it's usually on the way home from work, when a song that makes me think of Tom (which is just about every song) comes on the radio, or when I'm going to bed. But I am perpetually sad. I was the happiest I've ever been and now I'm the saddest. And it sucks.



I should go to the grocery store? Last night I cleaned out the fridge and got rid of all the expired bottles of half used salad dressing, random jars of pickles and mustards.
Empty fridge

The to go box has left overs from dinner tonight (edamame and 3 pieces of a hurricane roll). And I've already finished up the last of that 2 liter of Diet Coke.  Two of those bottles of wine (well one is Proseco) are left over from NYE 2010. I never opened them and they've been there ever since. The third bottle was an impulse buy at Trader Joe's before Christmas. Who knows when I'll drink any of them. I've been on a Jack & Coke kick for a while, plus wine gives me the worst acid reflux and hangover these days.


So long 2011

New year

If you had asked me before September, I would have said that 2011 had been a pretty great year. Too bad it didn't end that way. I have a feeling the first part of 2012 isn't going to be much better but I am hopeful that eventually that will change.