11.05.2011

Rough road ahead

So tomorrow is the City of Oaks half marathon. Even before Tom died, my training was half hearted at best. But at least I was getting out there once or twice a week and putting the miles in. Since the middle of September, all I've done is walk Lulu. You've seen her legs, that's no endurance workout.

At first I wasn't going to do to the race. But I knew that if I didn't I would regret it, even if it took longer than my first half marathon or made my body hurt more than ever before. Tom was so proud of my "running". One of his coworkers said that he talked about it so much that she got kind of sick of hearing about it. So if I didn't do it, it would be like I was letting him down. But at the same time something that is already pretty emotional (I cried when I crossed the finish last at Virginia Beach last year) is going to be even more so now. Three plus hours (told you I was slow) is a long time to be rattling around in my head, over thinking everything. There isn't a loud enough, angry enough song to drown out my thoughts. Believe me, I've tried.

I went to pick up my race bib this morning and got another painful reminder that life will never be the same. When I filled out the race entry several months ago I had put Tom as my emergency contact. I remember joking with him that we were a super official couple now, even more than being Facebook official. His name and number are printed on the bib. Now I have to scratch through that and write in a new person.

Yeah, I'm really excited to do this race.

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